Endless struggle…? – 4 November 2018
Right – that is IT!! If you are hoping for positive and uplifting from this post, I suggest you leave now. This is not going to be either of those things. I was feeling a bit low anyway and 2 computers, the WiFi and various websites dicking about have made me really angry and frustrated. I wanted to have a little offload but now it is going to be a FULL ON BLOODY RANT! And I’m sorry that the image for this post is 39 pixels too bloody short but I literally couldn’t take any more nonsense. It was either an incorrectly sized image or the laptop out the window. And amazingly supportive husband gets very disappointed when I lose my temper so I decided against that. And if there are any typos or you don’t like sentences starting with ‘and’ then guess what… @*&$”%%!
I feel a little better already. That was quite therapeutic….. Ok, as time is now short because of rubbish tech, I am not going to beat around the bush. I am really fed up. I feel as if I am making all the effort here but my body is not cooperating. Walking is once again a real chore. It’s very tiring and is taking way more effort and concentration than it should do. Plus people keep running up and down stairs in my presence which just seems like showing off to be honest. Please don’t do this around me.
My back really hurts which I don’t think is helping. I have some new pain killers but I am too scared to take them on a regular basis. They are codeine based which has a tendency to send me a bit strange at the best of times but when the side effects of medication include ‘a possible feeling of extra well being’ combined with being potentially addictive – that sounds like trouble to me. Sounds like something I might like to take regularly and inhabit a very happy place permanently. I am also not a big fan of any medication that comes with a prescription for another medication to help you deal with side effects. In this case constipation. I walked out of the pharmacy with a carrier bag of laxatives. I am not exaggerating here. I sometimes take the pain killers at night so I don’t get woken up by back discomfort but I am not taking them regularly or during the day – I don’t think I should be responsible for children whilst taking them…
Why am I so fed up…? Don’t know. I had an amazing half term – went on 2 holidays, slept loads, enjoyed good company and was super chilled. I was even looking forward to going back to work. So I don’t think it’s post holiday blues… I work with some total muppets and ‘mood hoovers’ for sure but I don’t that is what is bothering me. I think it is just exhaustion with what I consider to be the constant battle. Today, I just want to get under the duvet and hide from the world and sleep.
I can’t even be bothered to go into the other things that have got me down this week. All minor bits and bobs individually but with a possible cumulative effect. There are things to be positive about I am sure, but today I am not feeling them….
Oh, and the cat smells really bad. Not sure why. If she spends more than 5 minutes in the same room, you have to open all the windows. I think she my have something wrong with her ear but she won’t let me near her to see. Vet visit required. I wonder if ‘my cat smells bad’ is a valid reason for a veterinary visit. We will see… whatever the reason we are bound to leave there £100 lighter, that’s for sure….